I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
