I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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