I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You smell like stripper and shame
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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