Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
