P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
