guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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