yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
