U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
