I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
