Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
