worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
