Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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