you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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