kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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