i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
