Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
