I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
