dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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