I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
