Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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