whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
