community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
