dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
