if you like me you must not know who I am
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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