I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
its liver damage thursday
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
