Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
