Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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