I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
