were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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