im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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