when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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