You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
