Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
