oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
