At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
