This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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