just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
