a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
