you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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