I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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