I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
