seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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