I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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