He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
