Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
