You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
