Screwed.edu
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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