I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
