I think I won the penis lottery.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That accounts for only three of the penises
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
