I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's like a pop up book from hell.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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