I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
