I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
