I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
